Oh just had to add this...

Ok third post for the day is a bit overboard, but I am really enjoying unwinding in front of the computer, catching up on facebook and insight.( http://activatechurch.wordpress.com/)

Hannah had been playing in the computer room with me and wandering back and forth to the lounge, when everything went quiet....

As a mum of a two year old, I have learnt that quiet is not always a good thing.... it can often mean chaos!

But I tiptoed out and this is what I found:

So cute! And so incredibly rare!!! I just love it.

Latest Creations

Here is a page I just scraplifted from the cover of a recent Creating Keepsakes magazine. Changed the colours and stuff, but copied the design. It is GREAT to be scrapping again! I have missed it!

Oh, and I made this little guy out of felt, designed loosely around a Stampin' Up Stamp. I really like how he turned out and it was fun to break out and do some sewing again.

My Christmas

Oh heavens I don't think I have the stamina to write about this yet. In dot point, here is how it went:

• Chrissy Eve was fab; had an absolute ball with Beck and Seth, Greg and Kath. We chatted and played wii and just had a great time. We just love these guys; they all mean the world to us and Hanny just ADORES them all. She is incredibly blessed to have such amazing people in her life, as are we.

• Christmas Morning was not fabulous; I was in bed with a bucket from 6:00am to 8:00am, feeling sick as a dog (no it wasn't a hangover) I had had a little apple cidar (like quart of a glass) and it disagreed with me incredibly. So sick of my sensitive stomach! Anyways, thankfully started to feel better in time to wrap Hannah's presents (this Chrissy I have been so behind the ball!!) We had a nice little time unwrapping except nath was a little grumpy after a bad night sleep (3am bedtime!) and I was still feeling a little queasy and we missed going to our old church for Chrissy day service, which we had planned. Hannah loved it though, but I was struck with how we train our children to be completely consumeristic as we thrust present after present on Hannah while she was trying to enjoy the previous one!
  
• Christmas Day my parents came around, but as I was below par, I didn't quite have the stamina to throw myself into the cooking, so we made do with only one roast and a quickly dressed table. The afternoon was sleepy and I went back to bed for what turned into a 5 hour nap. Hmmm...not what I had in mind...But it was nice to spend the day with mum and dad and enjoy some yummy food and time together. Hannah loved her cubby house and me and mum had fun setting it up for her and playing in it too LOL

• Boxing Day I was getting ready for my family do at my sisters when I got incredibly weak and dizzy after my shower. Ended up on the bed, with Nath wondering whether to call the Doc. Took a few hours to gain equilibrium and in turn, had to skip our family celebration :o(

• Boxing Day evening, got a call that my dad had been taken to hospital with a double heart rate. Rushed down to hospital and spent a cpl hours there. Nath and Hannah later joined me, to find out dad had had a small heart attack. Spent 2 days in ICU. We visited him on the ward yesterday and he is doing ok, but it gave us all a really nasty scare.

So to be honest, it was everything I didn't want, throw in a bad fight with nath and a panic attack and it was quite a horrendous Christmas. LOL However, lots of good came out of it; We realised again how many wonderful people we have in our life as we recieved phone calls, texts, prayers and cards to dad and offers to babysit Hanny so we could visit dad. We are truly, truly blessed and I have come to realise a few things from all this.

1. Hinging a whole bunch of expectations on one or two days, is kinda unnatural and it is no surprise that things often don't turn out how we plan.

2. I don't want Hannah to grow up not appreciating things because she is overly bombarded with presents and objects. I think less presents next year.

3. The important things in life are friends and family, and we did experience that this Christmas, it was just in a different way than I expected.

4. God gets you through things. It is an awful shock when things go completely wrong, but God is amazing in His tenderness and wisdom and manages to weave His truths into your every circumstance, no matter what it is, if we will listen and trust Him.

So, yeah, that was our Chrissy. LOL I am looking forward to the New Year; I think it is going to be a good year for us. Feeling more focused, older and wiser than before LOL and feeling led by God into some new opportunities and adventures.

On a lighter note, I love this picture of mum; I have never claimed to be a great cook and my baked parsnips turned out to be the butt of all jokes on Christmas day, with mum turning one into a witches nose and dad stating that he should have saved his parsnip to cut the ribbon on his present. hehehe

Lament

Well I just had the rare and wonderful privilige of hearing a good friend of mine preach in church for her first time ever! It was just wonderful. Edwina had shared with me over the past few months how she had wanted to have a Lament service in church. By this, she means that so often we take our problems, hurts, angers and fears and run with them or hide them in our heart when we should really be bringing them to God. He is big enough for our pain, confusion and anger. She wanted to bring a message to the church on taking time to resolve our negative emotions, hurts and confusion by talking, crying or even wailing our pains to the Lord so that He can heal them, share in our difficulties and give us a new perspective.

In her sermon she talked about the biblical perspective on lamenting, from David in the Psalms, Lamentations and Christ Himself on the cross when He cried out 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?'

She differentiated between complaining and grumbling and true lamenting, whose focus is on seeking God in the hardship and truly wanting to be closer to him as opposed to venting or having a blame or rant session. (my own words) But in it all, we can be honest and transparent, with God and with one another. Because this is real. This is how we resolve. How we heal and move on and how we grow in our relationship and trust with the Lord.

We aren't promised a smooth ride in this life, but we are promised God's faithfulness and strength for every trial and hardship. Edwina closed her message by sharing of the old hymn, 'It is well with my soul.' The man who wrote the hymn had just lost a son to scarlet fever and four daughters who had drowned. Yet amazingly, he was able to write of God's peace and comfort in the midst of utter turmoil. His story is told in this rendition of the hymn: http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=T8_EfDqF7YI

I felt so blessed that God has arranged this little appointment for me, unbeknowns to myself or Edwina. I had been having a quiet time this morning and felt God compelling me to visit my old church whilst Activate was taking a break over Chrissy. We had planned to go on Christmas day, but it hadn't worked out. I took Hannah and went by myself which was a little scary for me, though it shouldn't be, but I do get a bit shy by myself sometimes. But I really felt the Lord urging me to go. He is so amazing, because it worked out beautifully. I was thrilled and honoured to see Edwina preach and she was really happy to see me there as she had shared her journey and perspective on lamenting with me over the year. I love how God arranges things so beautifully. It was a thoroughly wonderful day in the midst of a few difficult days. More about that in another blog, but for now, I just want to say well done to my dear friend and to praise God for how incredible He is, right down to the smallest details.

He is so there for us!

A Wonderful Weekend

Well I just enjoyed a really nice (busy but nice) weekend! My cards still aren't made (let alone written or sent) I did manage to scribble some Chrissy Cards on the way to church this morning but forgot to give most of them out! Was planning on baking treats or something, but I decided to lower the standards hehe

Went to my good friends' husbands 30th last night; We were tired and didn't feel like an hour on the road and watching Hannah go bonkers after her bedtime, not to mention feeling a bit shy cos we wouldn't know many people, but we wanted to be there to celebrate with them. And whaddya know, in typical God style, we had an amazing time! We caught up with some old friends and people I haven't seen in years. Hannah had a ball and God spoke to me and refined my vision for myself and the future after a conversation with someone I hadn't seen since my wedding. It was AWESOME. I am never ceased to be amazed how God moves, dovetailing everything together in perfect harmony.

My good friend, Karen; we were eachothers maid/matron of honour - it was her hubby's 30th

Its so easy to just pike sometimes and get reclusive when I don't feel like going out, but when you actually think of the other person and focus more on them and wanting to bless them, it is amazing how you get past your own insecurities and are free to love people and in the process you actually do enjoy yourself. Its one of those God paradoxes; the more you think of yourself and follow your emotions, often the more messed up you become. When I just give it to God and focus on being a blessing to others rather than 'uh oh will they like me??' I find an incredible freedom to actually be myself and that in turn draws people, because when you are honest with people, you connect. I had a really lovely time and felt God drawing me closer to himself and towards the vision and goals he has planted in my heart.

Then our carols service at church this morning was just fabulous; the place was buzzing, house packed and we had an awesome time. Hannah had such fun on the jumping castle that was set up and it was so nice to have extra time to catch up with people. (Hey Bec and Laura, how cute is it to see the kids playing together. I love that they are friends hehe)

We just love this church, its goals, visions and the people in it. It feels so good when you know where you are meant to be.

(Hey Lolly, I think this turned out just gorgeous! *Hugs* to you!)

God is so faithful, He really is. He never ceases to amaze me with how right He always is. hehe I know that sounds odd, because of course I know He is always right, but sometimes you just doubt and ponder and want to do things your own way, but when you test Him, He so pulls through, giving you strength and paving your way for you and you just say to yourself, 'Gosh why did I even question Him?'

The more I know God, the more I like Him. Again that sounds funny, but its real. Growing up as a Christian from a young age, you learn to love God but it is only as I am really seeing Him for who He really is that I realise just how wonderful He really is. I have always loved God in a sense knowing He was God, He was My saviour and I had to. but now I am falling in love with Him. I am getting to know Him. And honestly, He just rocks! LOL

Have a Merry and Beautiful Christmas if I don't blog before then,

Lots of Love and Kisses and Chocolate xoxox

A note on my long blog

Ok so my time before last blog was the shortest on record so now I write an essay! I hope I haven't been too self absorbed. There's that choice anxiety again (see below); should I have spilled my guts, or should I have kept my blog all neat and sweet? Aarrghhh it never ends!!

Choice Anxiety and other random oddities of the mind

Its amazing how fast a few days can turn into a week. I get a little too philosophical with my blogging; like I need to pose some very interesting point or impart some spiritual truth God has shown me or at least write something witty and entertaining.
In typical me-fashion, this has meant that I haven't posted anything at all. I have just read everyone elses. So I thought today I would share an interesting thing that I discovered about myself the other week and maybe some of you guys can relate. I regularly suffer from Choice Anxiety. I become paralysed between 2 decisions, often trivial, and so overthink them and stress that I either 1) take an eternity to decide something as simple as what to buy for lunch or 2) Completely meltdown and walk away hungry.
Ok this is slightly exaggerated, but let me backtrack a little.
I was in the car the other day and flicked over to hear the back end of an interview on light fm. This guy was talking about there being 2 types of people in the world; Satisfizers and Maximisers (forgive any dodgy spelling or if I muck up his whole theory for any of you who heard all of it hehe) and he talked about this thing called Choice Anxiety. So to paraphrase, a Satisfizer is someone who makes a choice, sticks with it and chooses to be happy with their decision. Once it is done, it is done and they appreciate whatever they have. They don't suffer the anxiety and torment of being torn between two options (at least not regularly) and they are generally happier, less stressed people who enjoy life. So after hearing about this wonderful group of people I quickly realised that I was not in fact a Satisfizer much as I would like to be by nature!
The next group are the Maximizers. No matter what they are tackling in life, they are always trying to make things better and look for better options. He called them the channel surfers of life who struggle to commit to just one choice. Any choice they make just has to be the best choice and so they can be paralysed between options and can be quite tormented and strung out little individuals. They tend to suffer more from depression and anxiety (is it any wonder?!) Whilst we all experience both spectrums at various times and stages in life, we are generally more one way than the other.
At first I was very excited to figure out why it is that I can get so stressed about little choices (My mum and Nathan HATE watching me decide between 2 dresses at the shops; I have LITERALLY spent well over an hour in a shop once deciding on what colour towels to deck my bathroom out with while they were on sale, got so confused that I left the store and never did buy any, not even these incredible white egyption cotton facewashers they had for ONE DOLLAR! I still regret it!! hehe) So anyway after this interview I was like YAY! I realise why I do what I do. I am always concerned with getting it right for fear of regret. Now, before you peg me as some vain little shopaholic, clothes and products are just one tiny example of how this leeches into my whole life.
Rather than being about trying to look good or get the perfect bargain, I think it is actually more about the fact that I don't quite know how to deal with negative emotions, regret or how to stick with a choice if I see something better. From the outside, it is a no-brainer; just make the decision and get over it! But honestly, from the inside its not that simple. I think I am still trying to figure out exactly what it is I feel the need to avoid (why is regret, the end of the world, why is not getting a great bargain so important??) And so, yeah, I haven't really figured it out but its part of the reason I freeze in life. I don't blog because I just can't decide what to write about so instead of making a choice and doing it, I freeze and walk away. This is only a small thing, but sometimes the choices have bigger consequences and I just get so paralysed! Like, what am I going to do next year? I really want to branch out and start moving into the areas of my life that I have wanted to explore for years, but which ones?? Ministry? Counselling? Bible School? More kids? Photography? Papercrafts? Writing? I have NO idea, and so I just freeze and then stagnate, doing nothing. I drive myself nuts! But out of this God is teaching me a few valuable lessons;
1. How important it is to be satisfied and content with what you have and be thankful for it, no matter what your lot in life is.
2. Sometimes it is better to make a wrong decision than to freeze and make no decision. Long term indecision messes with your mind and makes you a confused and timid person.
3. I actually do have a choice in my own life; I don't have to deliberate over every single issue as though it is the last decision i will ever make
4. Its ok to be who I am; there is a place for Maximizers; we can help to raise the status quo and can be efficient and entrepeneurial (??) people
5. I am continually being challenged to change my thinking and I know God is strengthening and shaping me (but sometimes the process feels HUGE and 2 steps forward, 3 steps back)

So anyway, I hope that makes sense and I haven't rambled too much. It is really hard not to get frustrated with myself sometimes, I just keep feeling like there are so many things that I automatically do wrong; like my default setting is on Pessimist and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to shake it. Do you ever feel frustrated that you are not who or what you wanted to be or do you feel pretty content with where you are at? Just wondering if you are all as loony as me... hehe I swear sometimes I still feel like I am 12, waiting to figure out what I want to be when I grow up....