KISS - Keep It Super Simple

I was having a breather this morning out on the deck. As per usual, I found myself feeling a little strung out about the days activities; how am I going to do what I need to do when I have a vibrant, vivacious and strong willed 2 year old following me around everywhere, wanting to 'help'?

I felt the urge to take a deep breathe and refocus. For too long I have found myself rushing around, trying to do too much or do things too complicated. These are the years to be cherished. I don't want to look back and see that I lived most of Hannah's early childhood trying to get time for myself.

So I decided to regroup and tune my attitude. Take a deep breathe and take each task one at a time. I focused on including Hannah in my plans, trying to find ways to make the day happy for her. We went to the shops together and she bought the eggs, I showed Hannah how to feed our dog rather than doing it around her, we made cupcakes and I didn't get strung out with the fact that she spilt the batter all over the tray and bench, because I remind myself, does it really matter? Isn't it more important that she have special memories with mummy and learn how to do things herself? It brought to mind the whole Mary/Martha dynamic - getting distracted with keeping house and neglecting the important things. Afterwards, she 'washed' the dishes while I folded clothes and made our lunch.

I know heaps of you mums out there have been doing this for years, but its new to me. I sometimes get so overwhelmed in my little world that I forget to take time to nurture Hannah and create special memories for her. I felt convicted this morning for not appreciating my family more. God has given me a strong willed girl. At times, she is impatient, demanding and sometimes too smart! But I see that her strength and will is teaching me the lessons of patience and boundaries and grace.

I am still such a newby mum, but today really went well. Simple, peaceful and meaningful. And I love the cupcakes!

Comparisons

'The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge...' Prov 1:7

'The fear of man brings a snare...' Proverbs 29:25

Ok so I have been thinking a lot lately about how much I think about other people and their opinion of me, as I mentioned yesterday. It seems to me that women are particularly vulnerable to the old comparison game... Looking to see how we measure up compared to others, to see if we are better or at least equal as those around us. Am I pretty enough? Thin enough? Smart enough? Talented? In church it can look like, 'Am I as good a wife as Mrs Proverbs 31 over there?' 'Are my children under control and following God?' 'Am I in ministry? Am I patient and calm and spiritual at all times?

I don't know about you, but its a game I unwittingly play far too regularly for my own liking. Something deep inside of me is desperately longing for the approval, acceptance and even admiration of those around me. I waver between vulnerable honesty and transparency in my friendships, to erecting a wall of 'I'm doing fine' when I am feeling particularly down.
One side of me longs for genuine, humbling relationships with those around me, and the other side of me wants to portray perfection. 'Im doing well, everything's fine.' Its exhausting to waver between 2 world views and even more exhausting trying to appear perfect.

So why is it so easy to become consumed with what the proverbial 'they' are thinking of us?

Who is out there with a measuring stick to see where we are at in life?

Honestly, often ourselves. Women. Often we are own worst enemy, looking at eachother and assessing eachother, feeling inadequate, subtly competing with others, trying to convince everyone that we really are ok. But at what cost? Even if we succeed and people think we are 'all that' all we do is feel like a fake and begin a new mantra of 'Yeah they only think that cos they don't really know me.'

Why is it, that deep down, so many of us think so poorly of ourselves?

Lately God is showing me the reality of just how much I live for other people. How often my life feels like a play, where I play different roles to meet the expectations of whoever I am with at the time. Don't get me wrong, I am not a complete chameleon, but i do tend to play to the beat of other people's approval and i often feel annoyed at myself for not being more of me.

So these verses are really getting to me lately. The fear of man, or what I would redefine as 'Worrying about other people's opinion' brings a snare. A trap. A cycle of unhealthiness. It distracts and robs us and those around us of the blessing of who we genuinely, uniquely are. The role that only we can fill. Being us.
On the other hand, prioritising God's opinion of us is the beginning of knowledge. Its where joy and future and purpose and adventure meet in a big tangly life well lived.

So what is God's opinion of us?
Is His voice constantly criticizing us, telling us we will never fit in, never make it, never be good enough? NO! Does he rub our nose in each failure, snidely adding 'Yeah, I knew you wouldn't make it? It sounds absurd when we see it in print, but how often do we have that subconscious thought of God beating down on us? That is the voice of discouragement, the lie that would have us live forever as a shadow of ourselves.

God feels pretty passionately about the beauty and freedom He created in us. There's no way its His voice psyching us out. He didn't create our value to run on a sliding scale depending on how good or not-so-good we have been. Its not about what we do or don't do, its about who we are. We are His. Adopted into His family. Created in His image. Blessed, forgiven and righteous in His sight. Of course there is a place for repentance, but our worth has got nothing to do with this. We are worthy simply because God loves us and deemed us as His creation. I am determined to pay more attention to what God says of me rather than what others say (or what i fear they will say!).

I want to leave a cool scripture with you, one that describes our beauty in the eyes of our God, as His Church, His bride, his True Love.

'The royal daughter is all glorious within the palace; Her clothing is woven with gold. She shall be brought to the King in robes of many colors...

So the King will greatly desire your beauty; because He is your Lord, worship Him.'

Psalm 45:11,13,14

We are clean and acceptable and beautiful to God. Not because of what we do or don't do, but because of what Jesus did. Because of our faith and reliance on God. The robes we wear are the robes of righteousness as we are boldly brought to our King. That is an image I want to remember next time I am tempted to compare my outfit to someone trendier! xox

New thoughts, new seasons

Ok so I am reading this FANTASTIC book at the moment. Seriously, one of the best reads ever, am only halfway through though.

The book: Mirror, Mirror (Discover your true identity in Christ), Graham Beynon

What its about: It addresses the complex issue of self-image and the basis for developing a healthy and biblical view of ourselves

Why I love it: Totally modern and relevant (starts with our fascination for browsing Facebook profiles), new lines of thought, realistic and not pseudo-spritual or old themes regurgitated.

Controversial bits: Challenges the 'Princess' view of self esteem (I am God's daughter, I rock! etc) and yet also stands apart from 'I'm just a Poor Sinner' view of yourself (Praise God!! lol) Comes up with a uniquie view called 'Humble Dignity' which is accepting a realistic, warts-and-all-and-yet-I-am-still-priceless viewpoint of ourselves. Found this very interesting, but may put some off. Still digesting it

Putting it into action: Am finding myself feeling strangely more free from the addiction of worrying what people think of me. Cos honestly, this is an addiction. Am often torn between a desire to be transparent and genuine, yet at the same time appearing confident and in control. Yeah. Not working so well. LOL

This book has seriously gotten me thinking about the motivations and concerns that tend to drive my daily life. Recent incidents had shaken my self esteem and I had found myself feeling overwhelmed by the shortcomings I keep finding in a certain aspect of my personality. After lots of tears, chocolate and an honest chat to God, I can actually feel a positive change coming into play in my life. I feel like God is lifting the lid on my life, pointing out some realities and helping me to recognise and make changes where they need to be.

Its a new season, one for growing up. One for renewed commitment. Honesty with myself and transparency in my relationships.

Time to turn away from idle desires, from things that distract and to make the best of what I have got.

A tentative new start.

Every time I encounter God, I keep finding that He is so much bigger than my limited perception of Him. I am glad He is smarter than me, I am celebrating the fact that we serve a mysterious and unfathomable God, cos if I could completely figure Him out, He wouldn't be very God-like, would He? hehe

Camping

Here are some pics from our time away over the Easter Weekend. Among our activities camping at Bimbi Park 'under the koalas' with good friends, we visited the 12 apostles, did a horse riding trail, shopped at the local craft market, ate many a toasted marshmallow, staged Hannah's first easter egg hunt and just breathed in the incredible surrounds. Hannah had 3 beautiful friends to play with and the local park was within fingertips of our campsite, which made for plenty of fun for the kids and time alone for the adults! It had its interesting moments. Overall; very memorable.

Just Amazed

I have been spending time lately with a neighbour who is undergoing radical treatment for what was a very advanced cancer. Its been one of those God things, where I have been given opportunity to get to know her better. And after spending the morning with her, I am just sitting here at the computer, gobsmacked at the amazing strength and positivity and resiliance of this incredible woman.
She has blown me away with her amazing spin on life.
I really struggle with negativism, pessimism and fear. I sit here with emotional baggage for things that have never happened to me, I just fear they will. Here is this lady who is going through what so many of us fear, and she is like a ray of light to be around. She counts her blessings, looks for the best in things and hopes for the best outcome despite months and months of appalling health, painful treatments, near death experiences and a whole bunch of other non-cancer related trials. If she read this, she would tell me that she has had her days of wanting to give up, of being angry, tired and feeling ripped off. But despite those down days, she just keeps pulling herself back together.
She is not a Christian but would give many, many of us a run for our money when it comes to faith, hope, perseverance and courage.
Amazed is an understatement for how I am feeling right now.
Some encounters just turn your world on its head.

A Few Randoms

Just a couple of cards and boxes I have been making lately; Thank yous for guest speakers at our upcoming church conference, some ideas for mothers day, 2 of the projects I demonstrated at my last Stampin Up Party and a few random cards and things.

Been playing around a bit with my camera, but haven't ventured past the auto settings. It's quite an intimidating piece of equipment, especially since seeing all the incredible photography skills of some of my fave bloggers (yes I am talking about you, Lou and Helen!)
Ironcially my favourite photos were not taken by me, but my hubby. I love them! Its rare to find any photos of yourself that you like, but these one's are special to me:

1. Because I am not wearing any make up and don't look anywhere near as hideous as I imagined! heehee

2. They are the first real pictures with my new nose stud. (It's kinda hard to see, but its there!!) I love that I got my nose pierced at 28. Have loved nose piercings for years, but now it is more about knowing who I am and letting it show rather than trying to find who I am, which is what it would have been had I done it when I first wanted it at 16.

3. My little girl tends to be a daddy's girl, so a lot of photos are of her and him, which is lovely; I am thrilled she has such a close bond with him and he is an incredible daddy, but it is also nice to see us connecting even more as she grows up. I love being a silly mum, one who gives a 30 second kiss until dad figures out how to work the camera, one who tickles at the last minute and jumps out to say Boo! when my daughter least expects it. I never want to forget to be silly. I think it does kids a whole lot of good.

He did it!

My husband is the sweetest. He has been making calls behind my back, sneaking around and telling porkies to me. How does this make him sweet, you ask?

Well it's all because he was planning something special.

Just for me.

He came in last night with a bunch of white roses and a card that told me to go to the car.

Bring in the yellow bag.

Brace myself

and prepare NOT to feel guilty.

(He knows me so well!)

So I did, and you know what he had done?

He had bought me my camera.

My beautiful, SLR Nikon D60, just the one I wanted. With an extra lense, beautiful case and massive memory card and just in time for a holiday we are taking with friends over Easter.

He is so beautiful. He has such a lovely heart and delights in seeing me happy. I am so blessed. Its not just about the camera, much as I love it. Its about his love for me and the way he went that extra mile to show he cared. Not just the camera, but the flowers and card. So thoughtful. So loving.

So I have gone from blurry, icky phone pics, to beautiful, bright, bold photos that capture my world. I am so estatic.

So here is a little sneak peak of my favourites today. They also highlight a lovely day I had with my good friend Edwina and her daughter, Talei, who is Hannah's favourite friend. We made icing flowers for cupcakes and watched the girls play, and tried to stop them eating all the icing sugar we had to keep sprinkling on the bench. Not very successful! Hannah came home on a sugar high, and crashed without dinner! But it was a lovely day and I am so excited to finally have my camera! I have the loveliest husband. On top of what he did, he actually sat through the whole stamping up catalogue with me as I excitedly pointed out all the products for 2009!

This is a very happy day.