I don't know about you, but its a game I unwittingly play far too regularly for my own liking. Something deep inside of me is desperately longing for the approval, acceptance and even admiration of those around me. I waver between vulnerable honesty and transparency in my friendships, to erecting a wall of 'I'm doing fine' when I am feeling particularly down.
One side of me longs for genuine, humbling relationships with those around me, and the other side of me wants to portray perfection. 'Im doing well, everything's fine.' Its exhausting to waver between 2 world views and even more exhausting trying to appear perfect.
So why is it so easy to become consumed with what the proverbial 'they' are thinking of us?
Who is out there with a measuring stick to see where we are at in life?
Honestly, often ourselves. Women. Often we are own worst enemy, looking at eachother and assessing eachother, feeling inadequate, subtly competing with others, trying to convince everyone that we really are ok. But at what cost? Even if we succeed and people think we are 'all that' all we do is feel like a fake and begin a new mantra of 'Yeah they only think that cos they don't really know me.'
Why is it, that deep down, so many of us think so poorly of ourselves?
Lately God is showing me the reality of just how much I live for other people. How often my life feels like a play, where I play different roles to meet the expectations of whoever I am with at the time. Don't get me wrong, I am not a complete chameleon, but i do tend to play to the beat of other people's approval and i often feel annoyed at myself for not being more of me.
So these verses are really getting to me lately. The fear of man, or what I would redefine as 'Worrying about other people's opinion' brings a snare. A trap. A cycle of unhealthiness. It distracts and robs us and those around us of the blessing of who we genuinely, uniquely are. The role that only we can fill. Being us.
On the other hand, prioritising God's opinion of us is the beginning of knowledge. Its where joy and future and purpose and adventure meet in a big tangly life well lived.
So what is God's opinion of us?
Is His voice constantly criticizing us, telling us we will never fit in, never make it, never be good enough? NO! Does he rub our nose in each failure, snidely adding 'Yeah, I knew you wouldn't make it? It sounds absurd when we see it in print, but how often do we have that subconscious thought of God beating down on us? That is the voice of discouragement, the lie that would have us live forever as a shadow of ourselves.
God feels pretty passionately about the beauty and freedom He created in us. There's no way its His voice psyching us out. He didn't create our value to run on a sliding scale depending on how good or not-so-good we have been. Its not about what we do or don't do, its about who we are. We are His. Adopted into His family. Created in His image. Blessed, forgiven and righteous in His sight. Of course there is a place for repentance, but our worth has got nothing to do with this. We are worthy simply because God loves us and deemed us as His creation. I am determined to pay more attention to what God says of me rather than what others say (or what i fear they will say!).
I want to leave a cool scripture with you, one that describes our beauty in the eyes of our God, as His Church, His bride, his True Love.
'The royal daughter is all glorious within the palace; Her clothing is woven with gold. She shall be brought to the King in robes of many colors...
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